Note: this was written on July 3. Thank you.


And so, ladies and gentlemen, we've come to the 234th anniversary of our country being declared an independent nation.
I know that there are a lot of problems within the infrastructure of this great nation. I am also aware that there is sentiment aplenty worldwide that we are handling our business all wrong.


Let me tell you why I love America.

I love the Southeast. I love boiled peanuts. I love the Appalachian mountains. I love looking at pictures of places out west that I have never been to, but would like to see. I love fishing. I love Ford trucks (particularly mine). I love the freedoms that we enjoy and the people that fight to protect them. I love being able to walk down to a Hardee's and have a cup of coffee on any given morning. I love the gift of an accessible education. I love grilling Sunday dinner with my dad on our back porch. I love a well-stocked hardware store. I love the smell of apple pie and peach cobbler. I love a good Arnold Palmer (both the drink and the man). I love sitting in a rocking chair and watching the sun set. I love Levi's bluejeans. I love waking up early Saturday mornings to eat cereal and watch cartoons. I love sports. I love dressing up for church, then hurrying home after service to get into some real clothes. I love barbecue.
I love that anyone on any given day possess the inalienable right to disagree with anything that I say.

I know we have our problems, but this is still the greatest country on the face of the earth.

It is, and will always be, my home.

New 1-mile personal record: 5 min 18 sec

I am not a smooth individual.
I get tongue tied. I stammer. I cannot properly articulate my opinions in unfamiliar conversation. I still get nervous around a pretty girl (really).
This blog has been a good way for me to say things in a way that I could not otherwise say them. As strange as I feel about writing my thoughts on an internet page, I find that I can be much more collected and linear with my thinking if I write it out. It's nice to have a medium on which I can record my deliberations, if for no other reason than to straighten them out in my own head, and move along.

Thanks for reading this little page of mine. I hope it has brought you some entertainment, at the very least.

All the way

Those of you who don't know me very well might be a bit surprised by the outset of this next post:


These are the United States Army Rangers.
They are cool.

For the past year and a half I have been considering joining the military. My ultimate goal would be to become an Army Ranger and see how far that course could take me. This possibility did not form overnight. It was one result of several events and considerations spanning a decent period of time. I do not doubt that I am capable of military life and all of the challenges, physical and mental, that it may immediately present. Additionally, much of my family served in the military at one point or another. I ran the idea past my parents. My mom was not necessarily excited.
No surprise.

I knew that this could be an important, potentially life-changing, decision. In light of this fact, I've taken the past two months to seriously consider whether or not I felt that a career in the military was really the right way to go.
Recently, I have been making an effort to talk to a few available resources. I have also been praying, which has not yielded any notable response.
Or so I thought.

Two days ago, a question latched onto me:
"What do you want most in your future?"
My response: "A family. A wife, children, a dog (maybe two). To care for them in the best way that I can."
From that, I had to consider whether or not I would be able to properly devote myself to both raising a family and to a career serving my country in the armed forces.
No, I honestly do not think that I could.
Don't get me wrong, there are many individuals that are quite capable of fulfilling the obligations of both stations to the best of their abilities. However, I do not believe that I am among them. Balancing has never been my strong suit.
I cannot imagine a half-way commitment to the military in the same way that I cannot imagine a half-way commitment to my family.
So, in short, I do not intend to become a soldier. I do hope and pray that one day I can have the incredible opportunity to become a father.

My cousin:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cRRF_M2T-vY&feature=related

Mom's emails

Philippians 4:4-7 "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

These are the two verses that my mom sent to me in an email yesterday.
Every day she takes verses and lessons from her morning Bible study and attempts to share them with me. My usual course of action is to browse over them out of a sense of obligation, and I'll say I'm not proud of that fact.
However, the message of these two verses got stuck in my head for the better part of a day. I've read them each at least one hundred times, and I felt like they had never really meant anything to me beyond the superficial Sunday school application that I had attached to them. I guess it was this realization that lead me to really understand the problem.
Allow me to ramble:
I had a thought the other day: "If someone were to ask me what the most important thing in my life is, what would I say?" My immediate response: My relationship with Christ/trying to grow daily as a man of God.

Really?

I asked myself that question in the shower before I went to CRU. It was the first time that I had been to CRU in months, and I almost ended up not going because I would have rather gone to the gym. Or to Hardee's. The last time I had sat down for a Bible study was buried in ancient sands. The last time that I had prayed over something that didn't involve food was also in the foggy distance. Why?
I realized that I had completely let go of any meaningful connection that I had with the Holy Spirit. I was living life as I wanted and sort of floating through without any real purpose. That's not the way that I was designed to live. I know that my problems by a global standard are about as minor as you can get. However, I have reached a point of uncertainty in many regards. I'm not certain about my current educational situation. I'm uncertain about my job and housing situation next year. I'm uncertain about my long-term goals; career, family, or otherwise.
The problem is that I was trying to rely on myself to lead myself in the direction that myself thought was best. There are too many myselfs in that equation for success to be the result. I am weak, even by human standards. I'm also tired. I can't do it alone and I shouldn't try to.
That is what these two verses are explaining. Ask the Lord and he will provide you with the strength, understanding, and peace that you need to get through the trials. He wants you to connect with Him and trust Him. He doesn't want to trick you or somehow hold you back from fulfilling your potential. Quite the contrary.
That's what I've been missing lately. It has not even been in the back of my mind recently. His will and His purpose for me have taken a serious backseat to my own interests and priorities. When I really analyze it, I don't particularly care for that notion. I've been guilty of pride and placing my desires and plans at the top of the pedestal, without trusting that God knows what's best and is preparing me for what the future may hold.
I'm done with that. Lead me.

if You could love me as a wife
and for my wedding gift, Your life
should that be all i'll ever need
or is there more i'm looking for

and should i read between the lines
and look for blessings in disguise
to make me handsome, rich, and wise
is that really what You want

i am a whore i do confess
but i put You on just like a wedding dress
and i run down the aisle
i'm a prodigal with no way home
but i put You on just like a ring of gold
and i run down the aisle to You

so could You love this bastard child
though i don't trust You to provide
with one hand in a pot of gold
and with the other in Your side
i am so easily satisfied
by the call of lovers less wild
that i would take a little cash
over Your very flesh and blood

Wedding Dress - Derek Webb