Discernment: the quality of being able to grasp and comprehend what is obscure.
In a spiritual context: Perception in the absence of judgment with a view to obtaining spiritual direction and understanding.
So here we go again.
The restless itch. Just when I thought that I had gotten a handle on it.
All through high school and the first few years of college I dreamt about the day when I could move to Alaska and travel the wilderness, husky companion by my side, until I settled down long enough to build a cabin (by hand), then wait for the next adventure to present itself. Or, just maybe, buy a one-way ticket to Ireland and work on a farm, or a fishing ship, for room and board.
These ideas of course serve as more ridiculous metaphors for a greater desire to experience the world in its entirety. I would regularly have yearnings to go out and explore beyond the borders that I have always known.
Why?
Are these ideas/desires a functional use of time? Not classically defined.
Are they even feasible? Probably not.
And yet there they are.
For almost a year I have tried to settle in to a mindset of being comfortable with the idea of living in the American southeast for the rest of my life and finding a nice, realistic, secure job. I convinced myself that I would be most useful in the future if I set very conventional goals and stayed in a place that provided me with comfort.
But that's all it was about: being comfortable.
I am convinced that God is not out to trick us. If I have been given a desire to go lead a life of exploration, then gosh darnit there's sure to be a reason for that. Maybe I'm not intended to roam the Icelandic countryside, but perhaps I have certain abilities and inclinations so that I may be of use in ways that others cannot.
I don't know if it is the autumn air or just the fact that I have been cooped up doing schoolwork for the better part of a month, but I want to get up and move. It probably hasn't helped much that I've been researching the heck out of various projects and travel locations (along with listening to mariachi music and watching a lot of westerns, but that is another discussion entirely) . It also probably hasn't helped that I have had multiple conversations on this subject with a like-minded friend of mine.
The adventurous spirit is contagious.
However, from our conversations, I believe we have both been led to very similar conclusions on the matter. Serving the Lord and pursuing your passion for exploration and experience does not have to happen on the other side of some great body of water. I think that's where a lot of people miss the mark. They are so focused on the need that they see on the television screen that they ignore the need at their front door.
That's not where I want to be: so dead-set on finding fulfillment for myself through my experience that I fail to fulfill others and fulfill the plan that God has for me. That's where discernment comes in, and it's an ongoing process. What am I supposed to do? When am I supposed to do it? Who am I supposed to do it with? How will I know if I'm staying on the right path?
Commit your way to the Lord;
trust in Him, and He will act.
He will bring forth your righteousness as the light,
and your justice as the noonday. -Psalm 37:3-6
I'm thankful that I have been given a restless spirit. It will keep me from sitting down for too long and becoming useless.
And, what if I could take all of the focus that I place on giving my own life meaning and interest and redirect that effort towards investing in the needs and people around me now?
Well, wouldn't that be a wondrous thing?
No comments:
Post a Comment