Courage - if taken to excess would manifest as recklessness, and if deficient as cowardice.

"Don't question reality. It is what it is."
-Seth Jones

I have not posted anything on this page in some time. This was pointed out by the complaint of a good friend of mine last night. There are several reasons for this. I will give you two:
1) I was unsure of how to express some of the lessons and understandings that have been presented to me recently on an internet page.
2) I am lazy.

I will be making more of an effort in the realm of regular contribution, though form and content might take a slight dip towards the casual.

Aight, lata.

"Intellect is a good servant, but a poor master."

Effort

The beginning of my summer has been marked, as I knew it would be, by a period of steady and dedicated labor. The majority of my time at home has been assigned to various tasks, whether it be actual tasks around the house in which I reside, of my own making, or at the factory where I have taken a side job for the time being.
The first of these objectives to be completed, actually upon the first days of my return, involved getting rid of most of my unneeded possessions. This was directed to both free up space and minimize the wasteful way in which I was living. It is a stupid notion to hold that the richness of our existence could in any way be dulled by the absence of unnecessary material items.
Following that relieving accomplishment, my time and efforts have been directed into more physically engaging pursuits. This has been great because of the lack of availability of such activities at a university. At school, there are no lawns that need mowing, no decks that need building, no gardens to tend, no fences to mend, and certainly no sheds that need a fresh coat of paint. Not for a student at least. I'm thankful that I am able to take some of these tasks off of the shoulders of my aging father. I am also thankful for the job that I have at the factory and the opportunities that it allows me. I had almost forgotten how much I value a hard days work.
I believe it is something that we as a society don't appreciate as we should: an honest days work for an honest days pay. It is a simple principle, but one that sets a massive foundational precedent not only in the workplace, but in many aspects of life. That stubborn ability to press on, to persevere until the task is completed is something that I hold highly, something that I often saw in my grandfather.

I am thankful that I can work.

Self

It has now come to the final exam portion of my sophomore year. It is a strange thing to consider that I am effectively halfway through my college experience.
I am in the basement of the library at 2 in the morning as I write this. During this time of grinding study schedules and directed time management, I have found myself distracted by several issues that have been weighing heavily on me for weeks now.
My mind has placed a burdening emphasis on introspection lately. I have been examining myself, and determining the integrity of my current station in life. I have found that I am utterly lost. I am a selfish, meaningless creature. As harsh as this sounds, it is the conclusion that I have arrived at time and time again. It is with a great deal of sadness and regret that I have come to this place of understanding and restructuring. I wish with all of my heart to correct myself and align my feet once again with the path that I wish to follow.
No direction or purpose can be found in my pursuits. However, I have a great desire to be respected by those around me, so I have mastered the art of apparent control. I am not half the man that I pretend to be, which isn't much to start with as it is. I attempt to carry myself in a manner that I hope allows others to see the person that I want to become, rather than who I am. What I have come to realize is that those around me can easily see through the facade, and understand my shortcomings all the more readily because of it.
In addition, I have put much of my efforts and energy; thought, time, money, passion; into situations that have begun to consume me. I should not be involved with such things to begin with, but I press on, hoping to force my own ends in a way that I believe will bring me happiness. In these situations, one in particular, I have begun to let myself go, allowing for thoughts and actions that an objective embodiment of myself would sternly scold. I feel as if I have lost myself to the situation, not standing for what is right, but instead standing for what I desperately want. Selfish. To perpetuate the problem, I allow myself to run in cycles. I constantly gain what I believe is a foundational realistic grasp on the situation, allowing my mind to find solitude for a few days at a time. This is promptly shaken off, however, by reaffirming experience that I allow myself to take part in or, what's worse, actually initiate. I believe the summer will be a critical time in allowing me to escape these cycles and regain a grasp of myself.

Weakness

I was running on some back roads the other night. One of my favorite things in the world to do is gaze at the moon. On this night, the moon was full and shone brilliantly, so I held my palm outstretched towards the sky and watched the light reflect off of my hand. I imagined that I could hold the moon, or at least grasp that intangible aspect of it that gave me such joy, and this triggered a series of thoughts that followed for the duration of my run. What was just a spot of light in the sky to me, something that I could look at and smile, actually was the driving force behind the tides of the ocean. Something so great and wondrous was the same object that allowed me to travel dark roads at night.
I was humbled.
One of the most overlooked values in our modern world is humility. In the face of the self-actualization movement and our assertion-driven communication styles, humility seems to be set aside to make room for personal betterment. It is not a weakness to understand your limitations. Pride is more of a detriment to growth than a promoter of success. The most humbling act you can preform is to assess your passions, the basis behind what drives you, and your attempts to create your own happiness. You will realize that your pursuits are empty, and that you are incapable of creating that which you think will bring you happiness. Understanding this, we come to realize the smallness of our ambitions. We are merely humans, and Christ is the only one who deserves the glory that we try to gain for ourselves.
I think that too often "upstanding" Christians hold themselves at a level of superior existence over others. These people have forgotten their own brokenness, and have overlooked the forgiveness that has been offered to them. Forgiveness is not just something that you perform as a ritualistic practice, it is all you have to hope in.

What new mystery is this?

What causes the heart to seek adventure? Why, despite the modern, comfort-seeking culture that we live in, do some of us find ourselves yearning for that which lies beyond the borders of our own immediate experience. We approach these ambitions with the knowledge that they may very well lead to discomfort, or even danger. However, we pursue them all the same, sometimes even more fervently in the face of this realization. Is it a result of a discontented nature that we have developed with the current predictable lifestyle that American society dictates as successful or prudent? Perhaps it is a revolution within some, who, turning from the trend towards modernity and stability, strive to return to a simpler, more naturally bound existence.
I have come to understand that my desires to this effect stem from an intense desire to experience whatever I can while I can. I feel an obligation to never accept mediocrity as the correct order of things, but rather to embrace every challenge and make the most of any opportunity given to me. Anyone can just coast safely through life and achieve what any other could have with half a measure of ambition and no challenges to the contrary in their position. I feel that, given such vast opportunity for pursuits in raw experiences as is present in my condition, it would be an absolute wasteful shame to take a backseat approach to this life that I have been granted.
I suppose that when seriously asked why I constantly seek enterprise and unique experiences, my explainable reasons would be fairly simple. 1. I hope to find a way to grow closer to those who are willing to pursue adventure with me. 2. I want to have stories of my own to tell my children and inspire dreams within them.

Begin

I am not really familiar with the world of blogging. I created this page based on inspiration that I gained through my good friend, Jared Korver. I have little idea on what I will write about, or, for that matter, who will want to read it. I do not consider myself someone abundantly blessed with the gift of insight. Understanding this, I intend to record my thoughts as the come to me, in whatever manner they may come to me. Basically, (and in the words of Korver) "I have grown more and more weary of useless words and conversations that I have throughout the course of my life, and this is a way for me to spill my guts about what really matters to me. Without interruption and without reservation."
I hope that this can do some good, or at least impact someone in some way. Ultimately, I am not looking to make a profound impression in the world through an internet blog. However, I do desire to glorify He who has given me breath, and wish to record the adventures that I encounter along the way in some fashion.

This will do for now.

Friendship

If I could choose what life would be mine, it would be this life that I now have, at this time. I believe that my contented nature is a gift from a Lord that I have submitted the strength of my own will and future to. I strive to make daily attempts to separate myself from the asinine bonds of this world, and surrender my struggles and stubborn desires to create my own happiness. In return, I believe I have been granted a sort of knowing serenity in the shadowing power of a God who has given strength to men much greater than myself, as well as an attitude of humility toward my own lack of control in most situations. This life, the life that I have chosen, one of terrifying unknowns and wondrous possibilities, is where I have truly learned to seek the face of Christ. When you share that life with friends like those that I have come to know, you realize a greater joy in your daily undertakings than you could have come to expect on this earth.
I used to primarily seek solitude. However, I have come to understand the rich depth that such intimate friendships can add to one's life. It is amazing to me that God has allowed these people to be put in my path; individuals so vastly different, yet all so akin to my own heart. I suppose some of my appreciation comes from the fact that these friends serve as a form of validation for my own path. Seeing so many wonderful souls arriving at a similar place, and knowing that they arrived there along a different road, tells me that I am following my heart truly. These people have absolutely humbled me in their honesty, strength, love, and devotion. I want to thank all of them here, and express my great desire to show the care that I have for them in any way that I can.