It is 5am.  I rarely encounter this iteration 5 o'clock.
With a good measure of difficulty I roll out of bed and begin to make my way downstairs towards the smell of cooking breakfast.  It is dark throughout the house, save for a small light above the sink in the kitchen.  My roommate is already up and working his magic over the skillet.  We share our traditional jabs about who was able to wake first, and who will get a lesser share of the bacon.
This is our ritual, the beginning of some of the best times we can hope to spend together.
After breakfast and coffee, we load up the truck and begin barreling down the road, bound for more elevated territories.  Much of the trip to Location X is filled with talk of strategy and timelines; which fly patters to use in what waters, what part of the creek we will be in by which time of day- that sort of thing.  Both of us have been lately practicing a technique called Tight Line Nymphing.  "Competition regulation", my roommate says, and the new challenge lends itself to a good deal of excitement.
We continue to bump along the dusty dirt road, a bit worn from the most recent heavy rainfall, until we reach the mouth of the creek.  The truck is tucked back in the brush along the bank, and we throw on our gear and packs.  We are in the water and making our way upstream just as the sun is beginning to peak through the trees.
To the casual observer, it would all appear more closely associated with hunting than fishing.  We wear camouflaged patterns, creep low through the thicket, and crawl over river rocks like lizards.  These are all very necessary measures, as we are stalking through Native Trout territory.  These fish are much more elusive than their stocked siblings, and many times more difficult to land.  The particular nature of native trout requires a delicate approach to the water.  Once a run has been cast into a handful of times, we move on.  If one of us slips on a stone and causes more than a small ripple upstream, we move on.  If the sun peaks from behind a cloud and causes us to cast a shadow towards the other bank, we move on. As is such, there is a fair balance of moving through rough-cut trails and along the bank between cast series. 
Each run is approached with a due level of respect and consideration.  The first few casts allow the nymph to dead-drift through the current.  Each subsequent cast incorporates various jigging techniques in order to rouse any particularly coy salmo trutta that may be patrolling nearby.
By noon we have made our way several miles upstream to the confluence.  We share our customary mid-day meal of Pepsi and beef jerky, with Cow Tails for dessert and sustained energy. 
It is at this moment that the serious business begins.  After lunch we each pick a side of the fork to work up, and assign ourselves a 200-yard beat to fish exclusively.  This is to simulate the circumstances in a competitive scenario, and practice having to catch fish in an area with limited potential. 
"Fish to the right side of the fork if it has rained recently, fish to the left side if it is cloudy".  This is what we were told by a guide we met along the way, who begrudgingly offered the information due to the fact that we already had knowledge of this particular location.  It was neither cloudy nor had it recently rained, so we consider conditions to be all square.
The remainder of the afternoon continues on in similar fashion, as it usually does.  We see no other people moving about.  It is sincerely rare that anyone ventures this deep in to the wilderness area.  Being among wilderness so rarely exposed to humans, we regularly see patterns of animal behavior that surprise us.  You come to understand and appreciate the depth and beauty of the natural world beyond what one can observe from the side of a nature trail.
We meet back up at the confluence before daylight begins to wain and begin to make our way through the woods and back towards the footpath.  The walk back is filled with talk of successfully implemented strategy, and a comparison of catch numbers.  This is, of course, on the honor system.  In a way, this conversation and the long trek out of the wilderness is the best part of the trip.  The conclusion of another good day, marked by some great shared experience.

things dangerous to come to

Release the Reigns

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O9DICw3J914

^^^
This is one of my favorite songs by one of my favorite bands.
It doesn't have a ton to do with this post, I just like it.

Maybe it has a little to do with the post.

We'll see how it goes.  I'm going to try something new and write stream-of-conciousness.
Sometimes that is a better method of thought collection, albeit a poorer method of literary expression.



Life is hard.

Life is hard for almost everyone.

I heard it said once that you are either headed in to a storm, in the middle of a storm, or headed out of a storm and getting ready for the next one.
This is a pretty good piece of imagery.

We can do everything within our power to avoid a lot of the more obvious cracks in the pavement, and still fall in to a sinkhole.
Sometimes we can ramble around blindfolded and hope we don't bump in to anything too hard.

Either way, if you engage the world in any significant way, there is no possibility of missing the challenges along the way.
It is what we do with these things; mistakes, challenges, trials, hard times, whathaveyou; that matter.  It is what builds us and strengthens us.

Taking the events of your life and using them to shape yourself in to the person that you want to become is the goal.  By any means necessary.

If you are willing to put in the work, and face parts of yourself or your life that you may not be comfortable or satisfied with, I promise it will be worth your time

Along the way, there will be people, and things, that will be measures of comfort, guidance, and solidarity.
When the real challenges present themselves, some of these things will be there, and will come up short.
The only true sufficient source will be you.  Your character.
At the center of this will be Christ.

I don't mean this in an uber-preachy way.  I mean this sincerely.

I have a very difficult time keeping this perspective.

It's like a perfect resource book resting on my shelf that I never dust off an read.
I pass by it every day and think "maybe I should open that up and take a look", but never do, then trip and fall down the stairs.


I do know that God never said that life would be easy and clean.
He never said that you could move through it smoothly with all of the dots lining up just right along the way.
It will be hard, confusing, messy.  Regardless of what our expectations are going in.


The point is, in some roundabout way, you have to deal with what is in front of you in the best way you can.  Head on, and with a clear heart.

If your struggling heavily at your job, have relationships that are falling away, aren't where you think you might need to be, and feel run down in general, it's easy to say "Well, at least I have all of my fingers and toes".
But that is a momentary reprieve from the task at hand.  What needs to be done to address what's on your heart?

This may seem counter-intuitive, but I think that an emphasis is too often place on the journey, rather than the destination.
You read that correctly.

Yes, the path along the way is very important, and largely shapes whatever the destination ends up being.

However, I think the end-goal is often undervalued or, rather, underutilized.


What is it that you ultimately want?  What does that look like right now? 
Who do you ultimately want to be?  What would that person do right now?



It's late.  I'm tired.

While General Douglas MacArthur was stationed in Australia and acting as Supreme Commander of Allied Forces in the Southwest Pacific Area, he penned this prayer for his only son, Arthur.

Build me a son, O Lord, who will be strong enough to know when he is weak and brave enough to face himself when he is afraid; one who will be proud and unbending in honest defeat, and humble and gentle in victory.

Build me a son whose wishes will not take the place of deeds; a son who will know Thee—and that to know himself is the foundation stone of knowledge.

Lead him, I pray, not in the path of ease and comfort, but under the stress and spur of difficulties and challenge. Here let him learn to stand up in the storm; here let him learn compassion for those who fail.

Build me a son whose heart will be clear, whose goal will be high; a son who will master himself before he seeks to master other men; one who will reach into the future, yet never forget the past.

And after all these things are his, add, I pray, enough of a sense of humor, so that he may always be serious, yet never take himself too seriously. Give him humility, so that he may always remember the simplicity of true greatness, the open mind of true wisdom, and the weakness of true strength.

Then I, his father will dare to whisper, “I have not lived in vain. ”

outside

Ladies and gentlemen, the fall is essentially upon us.

I could not be happier about this.

The best thing about the fall is being outside.

I really like being outside.

A lot.

One day I hope to have a job that affords me a little more time outdoors.

Or a cabin with a massive garden.

Or just a farm.

Or race in the Iditarod.

So on and so forth.

 

There is something very renewing about spending an extended time in the wilderness, and I often wonder why that is.

I understand that it is not everyone’s cup of tea.  Humans have spent the better part of our existence trying to refine and escape from outside.

We retreat inside to seek the comfort of a roof and air conditioning.

Going outside has become an increasingly recreationalized.  Not that it’s entirely a bad thing.  I would never want to give anyone a reason not to get off of the grid for a spell, or enjoy the brillance of the natural world.

I guess, for a lot of folks, it is like a retreat from the retreat.

For my own part, I enjoy the simplicity of nature.  It is more of a retreat from the unnecessary things involved in the day-to-day.  It feels good to step back, slow down, and take stock.

 An appreciation and understanding of the outdoors is something I want to foster in my own children.  I think it is an oft neglected aspect of childhood in the modern age.  A walk on the creek bed can inspire an imagination as much as a video game (although some video games are very well developed)

 

At any rate, I cannot express how much I enjoy falling leaves, camp fires, hammocks, pumpkin pie, and apple cider.  So I won't even try.

GOATs

In a portion of the tennis-fan world, the term GOAT is frequently used as a moniker for the longer phrase "greatest of all time".

I think this is hilarious.




Let me talk about my friends for a moment.
My friends are GOAT.

See years-ago post:
http://thehorsereformation.blogspot.com/2010/03/bro-time.html

I have the privilege of calling some of the most respectable men and women I've ever met friends.
Each of them have unique and admirable qualities, and I count myself lucky to have the influence of their companionship.



My family is GOAT.
I'm proud of them, and feel lucky to have been born in to a group of people that provide such unwaivering love and support.

I bring all of this up because I have been thinking on why it is that I have found myself sticking around the North Carolina piedmont for the foreseeable future.  It certainly is not what was expected, neither by myself nor those who know me well. 
Admittedly, I much prefer the idea of Alaska, Colorado, western NC - places like that.

It is because that which I value most, the relationships I am building with my friends and family, have become much more important to me than I could have understood years ago. 

A buddy of mine said recently that he was taking stock of what he held as most valuable and putting more effort towards those things.  Subsequently, he was going to focus less on that which he viewed as frivolous, and maximize opportunity to spend time with those who enrich his life.

I can get behind that.

At this particular point in time, my desire to foster relationships and enjoy the company of those I care most about outweighs any desire for adventure and dedicated autonomy. 


When circumstances should serve to change this, I'll be thankful for the time that I have had.

For right now, my priorities are with my people.

Strengths

"Strengths" is the longest single syllable word in the English language.


That is not particularly relevant to what I intend to discuss, but it is a mildly interesting bit of trivia.



I used to believe that the pursuit of strength was paramount; that weakness was a thing to be overcome in stages throughout life. Every day can be focused in a way that somehow minimizes or combats your weaknesses.

Until now, my focus has been conquest over personal deficiency.  Within this consistent goal of self-betterment, I found a displaced sense of purpose.

I have come to realize that I am not a strong man. I have insecurities, faults, doubts, anxiety, bad habits, shortcomings, selfish ambitions, and any other negative attribute you can think up.
These are all things to overcome, and there is a lot of honor and pride to be found in continuously pushing yourself to become a better person.

I think this allows me to better understand and appreciate weakness in myself and others.

This post has gotten a bit self-indulgent, but bear with me.


Humans, by our nature, are weak.  Strength is not a sustained entity, but rather a result of effort to grow beyond current limitations.  From the time someone is born, they are fragile.  As they grow, they become stronger.  Depending on how they choose to confront the obstacles before them, they will grow and strengthen in different ways.


Teddy Roosevelt grew up a very frail child.  Rather than allowing his infirmities to dictate the path, Teddy embraced a very strenuous life.  He literally worked his severe asthma out of his body.
Although he was naturally timid, he reports becoming confident and emboldened by reading about the lives of individuals he admired, and incorporating their character into his own.


However, strength comes in great amounts to those who understand their own limitations, and the limitations of others.

Biblical teachings show us much about strengths and weaknesses.
Galatians 6:2
Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

I think that we, together in our weakness, become strong.
 

I think that, above all, through Christ we become strong.

Romans 14:7-9
For none of us lives for ourselves alone, and none of us dies for ourselves alone. ⁸ If we live, we live for the Lord; and if we die, we die for the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord. ⁹ For this very reason, Christ died and returned to life so that he might be the Lord of both the dead and the living.


Strength is a wonderful pursuit.  It is even more meaningful in the context of our vast limitations as humans, and our ability to use the results of our efforts to help others.
Primarily, I would like to keep the impact of my relationship with Christ at the center and the ultimate source of strength.
No amount of push-ups can account for that.